


(Refusing to) Give Up the Ghost

by subconforest



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 01:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21110426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subconforest/pseuds/subconforest
Summary: The Conductor wants a surefire way to beat his rival, and isn't above playing dirty to get what he wants. The Snatcher, however, has other plans.Written for the Picture Perfect Zine 2019.





	1. Soul Binding

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 3 chapter piece that was included in the recent Picture Perfect Zine! I'm happy I was able to contribute to a zine that features so many other talented writers and artists. Thank you for taking the time to read this, whether it be via the zine or from AO3. I really appreciate it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Conductor arrives to Subcon Forest with a contract in mind, but how he goes about it is unlike anything Snatcher has seen before.

“Hey, yer the one that writes up contracts, right? I’m interested in striking up a deal.”

Snatcher recalls, in one of Hat Kid’s various attempts at “quality time” with him, some mention of a small, angry bird that yelled a lot. What was his name again? Director? He can’t be bothered to remember more than that. All he knows is she was wrong about one thing: that is definitely _ not _a bird. Maybe more like a piranha?

“I am,” he answers, “but I’m not interested. Get out of my forest.”

Normally, he’s all for taking people’s souls if they freely offer them up. How could he refuse something so easy? However, he can sense something is off about this one, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. It’s not something he wants to put up with today, _ especially _ if it’s unsolicited.

“Eh?” He looks confused. “I was told ye wrote contracts!”

“By who?”

“The lass explained it all to me!” The bird puts his hands on his hips, huffing. “Ye took her soul and made her sign a contract! I’ll give up a soul if it means you can help me!”

_ Ah. _ As soon as he mentions his soul, what’s off about the other clicks. It’s difficult for the ghost to suppress a laugh upon breaking this news to him. “No can do, birdbrain! I can’t take your soul if you don’t have one!”

“What!?” His yell would’ve blown out his eardrums if he had any. “Who ye callin’ a birdbrain!?”

“_That’s _what you take issue with?” Snatcher asks. “Not the fact that you don’t have a soul? Really?”

“Of course I don’t! I work in the movie industry!”

“That’ll do it.” The ghost pauses for a moment. “Why were you offering a soul that you don’t have?”

“It’s not me own soul, it’s a soul I got from someone else!” Although Snatcher didn’t sense a soul inside of him, he _ can _sense that he has a soul on his person. An owl’s, to be exact. Interesting. “Will ye listen to me now, or what!?”

Well, that’s new. He doesn’t want to say he’s intrigued by this information, but someone using another person’s soul because they lack one of their own? That’s just enough excitement to warrant his attention. Shutting his book, he leaves his chair and slinks himself over to the bird’s side. “That’s intriguing! Surprisingly, I haven’t heard _ that _excuse yet, but it’s not often that movie directors come through here!”

“Wait, how’d you know that I’m a movie director?”

Looks like he remembered a bit too much from the kid’s stories. He doesn’t need to know that. “Lucky guess! What, is your name the Director too?”

“The Conductor.”

Scratch that, he doesn’t remember as much as he thought. “Can’t win them all! Anyway, enough of that.” Snatcher puts an arm around the Conductor, who tries to shove it off immediately. “I won’t ask where you got this soul from, and you’ll tell me why you came here. How does that sound?”

“Great! Get yer arm off of me!”

“I don’t think you’re in a position to be making any demands.”

“And I think I could just _ keep _what I have and not give ye anything at all!”

The underhanded nature of this man shouldn’t surprise him considering he took the soul of another for his own gain. How does someone besides him do that, anyway? Then again, he’s witnessed weirder things, so this is something that isn’t worth questioning extensively. He moves his arm off of the other, deciding it would be more fitting to tower over the Conductor instead. “You’ve made your point, but like you, I’m not a patient man. What are you trying to get out of this?”

Snatcher is expecting something dramatic to warrant coming to his forest. Only someone desperate and possibly seeking revenge (or something just as nefarious) would seek _ his _help. Maybe he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but everything about this encounter has heightened his expectations.

“I can’t allow that no good DJ Grooves to win Bird Movie Awards! He needs to see how much better _ my _movies are!”

And, just like that, his high hopes were crushed. Amazing how that works. “What? That’s it?”

“What, can ye not do it?”

“It’s not that,” he answers, “it’s just not the request I was expecting. You sure you don’t want your rival dead? I’m pretty sure that would solve all of your problems.”

“What!? No! If he dies, it’ll be by me own two hands!”

“You can’t use those two hands to do it instead of rigging the competition?”

“I can’t murder _ and _direct a great movie, now can I?”

“If you included it in your movie, you could, you know, _ kill two birds with one stone! _” Snatcher laughs at his own joke, but the other isn’t amused.

“I just don’t want him to win,” the Conductor says. “My usual tactics aren’t gonna cut it this year, so yer all I got!”

“You ever try actually competing?”

“Once. It’s why there’s only one award I haven’t won in all my years of doing this.”

“Have you considered the fact that you might not be cut out for the movie business after all?” The Conductor glares at him, and Snatcher can only grin back. “I’m only kidding! C’mon, you just need a little help from yours truly to focus on your movie! I can make that happen for you.”

As difficult as it is for him to keep his mouth shut, at least he managed to bounce back from potentially losing out on this deal. Maybe now would be a good time to mention how little control he has over competitions he’s never heard of, but hey! It’ll be his fault if he doesn’t read the fine print on the contract! It’s not like he asked to _ win, _after all!

He’ll deal with the fallout later, but for now, he’ll be satisfied with the stolen soul he’s been offered.


	2. Soul Crushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't quite work out for the Conductor, but he finds a way to further annoy Snatcher.

In an attempt at expanding his library, Snatcher recently picked up _ How to Kill Birds _ (since _ To Murder a Catbird, _while a good read, wasn’t exactly what he was aiming for). With all the work he’s had to do for his forest lately, he hasn’t gotten the chance to sit down and give it a proper read. Telling the minions to leave him alone for the rest of the day, Snatcher cracks the book open, finally relaxing for once.

That is, until a certain yellow bird came in, fire in his practically nonexistent eyes. How he wishes he actually read the book before this sucker’s untimely yet expected presence. Of _ course _it didn’t work out, what was this guy expecting?

After much ranting and raving from him, he comes to the end of his tirade. “I thought ye promised _ I’d _ win!” The Conductor huffs, shaking his fist at the ghost before him. “Ye can’t even fulfill a simple promise after I’d given ye a soul ye lousy, pool noodle lookin’, jack-o-lantern faced, _ PECKNE _—”

“Okay, cool it,” Snatcher says, shutting his book and putting a finger on the bird’s fist to lower it. He punches him in retaliation instead. “Wow, ow, that hurt _ so _ much, you _ really _showed me. Look, tell me exactly what happened instead of coming in yelling at me. Did your rival win?”

The Conductor tries to take another swipe at Snatcher, but he’s too short to reach his target. “No! Neither of us won!”

“In that case, you got exactly what you wanted,” Snatcher says smugly. “DJ What's-his-face didn’t win. I specifically remember you requesting that.” Remembers so much that he can’t even recall the rival’s name, apparently. “What, were there other competitors that happened to make a good movie for once?”

“_No! _ ” He doesn’t even stop to take a breath. The Conductor tries to make use of his pent-up anger by stomping on the ground. “One of me owls that wasn’t even _ entered _won!”

That’s exactly when he realized there’s been an unfortunate mistake on his part, something that even Snatcher himself couldn’t see coming: _ the soul he made a contract with ended up getting what the Conductor wanted. _A rare side effect that he didn’t see coming, but at the same time, nobody has dared to use the soul of another. Guess that’s another thing to add to the contract, he figures. But, here’s the tricky part: Does he tell the Conductor that’s what happened, or is it a good time to bluff?

“Oh, I guess you didn’t read the fine print after all! What a shame.” A few white lies won’t kill someone that’s already dead inside, Snatcher figures. 

The Conductor, on the other hand, is _ not _ reacting well to this news. “Fine _ PRINT!? YER TELLIN’ ME I SHOULD’VE READ THE PECKING THING!?” _

“That’s how contracts work? I don’t see what the big deal is,” he says, shrugging and sitting back in his chair. “You signing it meant you read it, which you clearly didn’t.”

“_YE DIDN’T TELL ME I HAD TO READ IT! _”

“Sorry! Not my problem.” Snatcher doesn’t sound sympathetic at all. “I fulfilled my end of the bargain. I can’t change the result, nor can I give back the soul you gave me. It’s mine now! Maybe it’ll do you some good to be more specific next time.”

“Oh, that’s RICH comin’ from you! Not even gonna tell me what happened there either?”

“To be fair on myself, you didn’t ask.”

“And _ you _didn’t tell me! I shouldn’t have to ask!”

Arguing about this is pointless, but it does add some excitement to his otherwise somewhat-dull afternoon. However, he’s already bored of this particular line of conversation. Letting out a dramatic groan, Snatcher replies, “_ Fine, _have it your way. Here, let me show you what you signed up for.”

With a snap of his fingers, the contract (with a new clause added before the Conductor could notice) materializes before the bird. Will it occur to him that Snatcher admitted to not knowing what could happen, and wouldn’t _ have _something like this on the contract in the first place? Of course not. He’s too blinded by anger, after all. Snatcher watches as the Conductor holds the piece of parchment closer to his face, and lets out a small chuckle.

“Eh?” He looks up. “I heard that!”

“Oh, no, it’s just _ hilarious _watching you try to read that with your lack of eyes.”

“_I have eyes, peckneck! _”

“You definitely won’t have any if you continue to yell at me.”

The Conductor frowns, but looks back down at the contract, trying to find this fine print that the Snatcher spoke of. Already bored of him trying to make heads or tails of it, the ghost looks back to the book he was starting to read and focuses on it again. It’s not like the Conductor is smart enough to realize he’s been tricked.

“Huh.” The Conductor scratches the back of his head, not looking away from the parchment he’s holding. While he’s still frowning, it’s less out of anger—no, it seems he might feel regret, if Snatcher had to take a guess. Like he cares.

“You should be on your way now,” Snatcher says. What more is there to say about this entire situation? The Conductor did this to himself. Anyone who dares make a contract with him voluntarily is at fault for their own misery. It’s always been that way, and it always will be. “As much as I’d _ love _ to be able to, I can’t go back in time. You’re going to have to deal with what you’ve done.”

It only becomes a problem when the Conductor continues to stand there, not moving. “I ain’t leavin’, not until ye give me soul back.”

“Okay! Can’t wait to see you leave in about a day or so. Good luck!”

As it turns out, he didn’t end up leaving at all, and Snatcher’s patience has run thin.


	3. Soul Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to deal with this new annoyance, Snatcher calls upon the most annoying kid he knows.

If Snatcher thought having the kid around was annoying, this yellow bird is _ especially _ a thorn in his side. Refusing to leave Subcon Forest, the Conductor squawks out his demands, claiming he’ll leave as _ soon _as he gets his soul back. He saw through Snatcher’s tricks, annoyingly enough, and refuses to take no (or any of his blatant lies) for an answer. It’s been well over a week. He’s sick of this.

This bird isn’t so stupid after all, and he hates to say it, but Snatcher underestimated him. Reading _ How to Kill Birds _didn’t have a section called “how to get an annoying pest to leave your forest for good,” so he had to do the next best thing: consult someone just as annoying.

“Hey bestie!” Hat Kid waves, smiling to Snatcher, whose elbow is on the armrest and head in his hand. “Are we finally gonna play?”

“Absolutely not.” He regrets this already. At least, that’s what he’s telling himself. “Don’t take this the wrong way, kiddo, but we’re _ still _not friends.”

“You know there’s a word for people like you?” The young girl puts a hand on her chin, deep in thought. “I think it’s called a soon-deh-ray? I heard it on TV once!”

“What!? No! I’m not whatever that is!” Snatcher has no idea what she’s talking about, but if the kid sees him as that, then he wants no part in it. “Look, I called you here for a specific reason.”

“Because you’re lonely?”

He sighs deeply, not even trying to be dramatic this time. “I need you to help get rid of someone for me.”

“The Conductor?” She gestures to the bird, whose arms are crossed and foot is impatiently tapping. “I said hi to him, but he said ‘ay I’m busy lass’ or something like that! Anyway, he doesn’t want to leave, I think.”

“That’s the exact reason why you’re here, kid.”

“I come here anyway?”

Snatcher rubs his temples. “And every single time I tell you to leave.”

“Yeah!” Hat Kid smiles brightly. “‘Cuz I know you actually wanna be friends!”

“No respect for me or my wishes. That’s great.” He leans over, picking her up by her cape. The girl’s unphased. “You want me to say we’re friends, right?”

Hat Kid nods enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

“And you _ help _your friends, don’t you?”

“Yeah!”

Snatcher smiles, but there’s something sinister about it. If Hat Kid is picking up on it, he can’t tell from her joyful expression. “So, here’s the deal: you get rid of that bird, we can spend a day doing whatever friends do. How does that sound, kid?”

There are practically stars in her eyes. “_ YEAH! _ ” Before Snatcher can put her down, she wiggles out of his grasp, bouncing happily toward the Conductor. While he wants to continue his book, he can’t help but glance over to the two of them. They go back and forth, the Conductor raising his tone of voice and _ insisting _he won’t leave until he gets what he wants. After frowning at his response, she suddenly perks up, grabbing the complaining Conductor by the sleeve toward the Snatcher.

“What are you doing?”

“I got a great idea suddenly!” The Conductor tries to leave, but Hat Kid has a tight grip on him.

“Huh? You do, lass?” Looks like even he wasn’t informed of this change of plans. Considering how impulsive this child is, Snatcher isn’t surprised.

Hat Kid smiles, looking almost too excited to announce what she has in mind. “You both gotta apologize. You’re both too grumpy, so it’s time to be nice!”

“WHAT!?” Their voices cry out in unison, the only bit of teamwork they’ll ever have at this rate.

“_I _ didn’t do anything wrong,” the Conductor says. “I was _ tricked, lied to, misle _—”

“Yeah, did you mention how you practically stole someone’s soul for that? It didn’t even work!”

“No thanks to _ YOU! _I would’ve won without yer meddling!”

“Are you sure about th—”

“ENOUGH!” Hat Kid’s outburst causes the two of them to immediately stop and look to her. For such a small child, she has quite the presence (which Snatcher would _ never _admit to her under any circumstance). “This is why you have to say sorry! You can’t do this forever.”

“I can!” Snatcher says, but Hat Kid glares at him. “What?”

“You’re both not that bad!” She tugs on the two of them. “Say sorry. Please?”

The Conductor and the Snatcher glance at each other for a time, trying to gauge which one will speak up first. They _ know _the girl will keep insisting on this. After a seemingly long silence, the two grumble out half-hearted apologies to each other at the same time. This seems to satisfy the kid well enough, and they’re both too tired to continue this feud for the time being.

“I’ll be back for me soul later,” the Conductor says, turning his back on them and walking toward Subcon’s entrance. “I need to be with me train anyway.”

As much as Snatcher _ wants _to get one final quip in, he knows it’ll just prolong this frustrating encounter. When he’s gone, Hat Kid smiles, looking up at her bestie. “So, when are we gonna play?”

“Never, kid,” Snatcher says, picking his book up again. “I had a part in making him leave, so the deal’s off.”

“Pleeease?”

“No. Get out of my forest.” He glances over, seeing Hat Kid already trying to climb the chair. “Hey! What did I just say?”

“Not that I couldn’t climb up here.” She drops down onto his shoulder.

“Okay! You can’t climb up. Go away.”

“Too late!”

In spite of his previous responses, Snatcher decides to not push the issue any further, turning back to his book as the kid leans on him happily. He’ll insist that he’s too tired to tell her off, but she knows that he might actually like to have some company after the Conductor left.


End file.
